Should I Let My Only Child Go To A Sleepover?

You should definitely let your only child go to a sleepover. I know you may have your qualms. Perhaps you think they are too young? Maybe you don’t know the parents of the other child very well? Maybe your child has allergies or a medical condition and you are afraid they will get into trouble whilst they are away. But no matter what your fears are, at some point, your child will need to get used to sleeping away from home, otherwise expect them to live with you forever!

If you and your child are well prepared for their first sleepover the event will go smoothly. If it doesn’t go smoothly you can both reflect on what went wrong and try again another time.

Benefits Of Letting Your Only Child Go To A Sleep Over

• Build a Social Life: If your child has been invited to a sleepover, it means there is a group of kids who want to befriend them. It is vital for them to develop their social skills and a sleepover will help your child learn how to socialise with other children independently.
• Develop a Sense of Belonging: Everyone wants to be part of a tribe. Children like to be part of several tribes. The first one is family of course, but their friendship groups are very important to them, especially for extrovert ‘only children’ who thrive on the company of their peers. A sleepover will help cement your child in their friendship tribe and give them a sense of belonging.
• Learn Independence: Unless you want your child to hold onto your apron strings for the rest of your life you will need to teach them to be independent. Sleepovers offer children a unique opportunity to develop independence and responsibility in a safe environment without having their parents nag them to brush their teeth etc. It’s a great first step into independence.
• Learn Bedtime Etiquette: You and your child probably have an awesome bedtime routine down-packed (if not read, our post on How to get your child to sleep, to help). On a sleepover, the routine will go out of the window and your child will have to adjust to sleeping with other children. This might mean waiting their turn to brush their teeth, turning the light out earlier or later than they’re used to, or listening to a bedtime story they don’t know. They will need to learn to be considerate of other children and their own bedtime routine. This is all healthy stuff for your child to learn.
• Giving Yourself a Break: Your child is staying with someone else. YOU’RE FREE! Go out for the night with your partner. Invite some friends to your house. Play poker. Whatever. The night is yours. Take a break and enjoy some grown-up time. That is healthy for you too.

Build Trust With The Host

Whilst we heavily advocate the benefits of your child going to a sleepover, we wouldn’t recommend you giving your precious darling to any ol’ stranger. Build a strong trusting relationship with the parents of your child’s best friends. Children often made wild and whacky plans on hosting sleepovers without consulting their parents and then announce it suddenly when the parents don’t even know each other. That makes for an awkward conversation. Before it comes to this, initiate the first move. If your child makes a new friend invite them and their family to a BBQ or meet up in the park. Get to know the parents and suss them out. Use your judgment wisely. If you are not comfortable with them, trust your instincts, and just agree to let your child have play dates, but not sleepovers.

Host the First Sleepover Party

Be the coolest parent on the block and host the first sleepover in your child’s friendship group. This will give you an indication of how your child behaves with other children. When Sops was younger she would get over excited when other children visited. I think this was a result of her being an only child, and not used to other children in her home. I had to teach her to simmer her behaviour. After hosting a few sleepovers at our house, Sops is now aware of how to respond in moderation.

You don’t have to invite every child in the neighbourhood to stay over. Start with your child’s best friend for the first sleepover. Keep everything low-key and build up from there.

If you host a sleepover party you can have more control over your child’s behaviour and what activities your child gets involved in.

Making Memories

Recently my daughter showed me loads of photos on her phone. Being an only child, she has been blessed to go on many holiday trips and outings. I have made it my life’s mission to make sure Sops has loads of great experiences and does not miss out, just because she has no siblings. This means I often allow her to have sleepovers.

On her 9th birthday we had a narwhal-themed party (she was into narwhals at the time. All the children were into narwhals at the time). The girls played games, had a lovely birthday tea and we played karaoke in the evening, using sing-along Disney films. When it was time for bed I left loads of snacks downstairs and said they could watch Disney Life (the precursor to Disney+). I then went to bed. At 3:00 am I was woken up to the opening scene from The Lion King, on full volume. I told them to turn off the TV and the lights and go to sleep.

Everyone had a laugh. That was a great experience for Sops and we have made memories. Sleepovers are a great way to make happy memories for your child. You can laugh about the antics of other children. It is all good fun if you set some sensible ground rules.

Sensible Ground Rules

“It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.” That is a common parental expression, isn’t it? Some parents are reluctant to send their child to a sleepover or host one because they fear it will get out of hand. However, if you set suitable rules and clear consequences all should be well. Here are some rules you may want to apply:

1. Listen to the adult in charge and do what they say
2. Be considerate of other children
3. Help tidy up afterward
4. No pranks! (Pillow fights are acceptable)
5. Any TV watching must be with adult supervision
6. All films must be age appropriate
7. No going on the Internet without adult supervision
8. No one is allowed in the Master bedroom
9. No play fighting
10. Be polite and grateful

Preparation for Residentials

At some point, your child may be invited to go on a residential. This may be with their school, or scouting group, etc. If they have experienced a few sleepovers they will be better prepared to handle a residential trip. Therefore, we highly recommend they attend as many sleepovers as they can.

For more advice on residentials read our post Preparing your child for their first residential.