A Child’s Guide on Dealing with Bullies
Bullies are the worst! They can really make your life a misery. But you have to be careful when dealing with bullies as you don’t want to escalate the situation. In other words, you don’t want the bullying to become worse. There are a number of ways to deal with bullies, which we will recommend in this post. But remember, when dealing with bullies you are dealing with other human beings and humans can show unpredictable behaviour.
Our tips can give you the tools you need to de-escalate the situation on your own. However, we strongly recommend you tell a trusted adult about your problem and your fears. Don’t struggle with this issue alone. Also, there are some useful website links at the bottom of this post that may help you too.
What is Bullying?
Bullying is repetitive, aggressive behaviour to demonstrate power over someone else or a group of people. The primary aim of bullying is to cause hurt and suffering.
Here are some examples of bullying:
- Physical Violence: hitting, pushing, kicking, poking, pinching etc.
- Verbal: Name calling, threats, sarcasm, ‘teasing’ or ‘banter’, spreading rumours, belittling (making someone feel small and insignificant)
- Online/Cyber Bulling: Cruel messages in social media, sharing unwanted photos, excluding someone from the group.
- Emotional: Ridicule and humiliation, coercion (making someone do something they don’t want to do), intimidation (frightening or threatening someone to do something they don’t want to do).
Why do people bully other people?
That’s a good question. I find it hard to understand why people find pleasure in hurting others, but they do it because they want to feel powerful. Perhaps they have been badly treated at home and the only behaviour they have learnt is to be cruel to others? Maybe they don’t know how to express their feelings of anger and sadness so they ‘project’ their feelings onto other people who seem weaker than they are? Whatever the reasons are, bullying is always wrong. And bullies must be challenged. This is for 2 reasons:
- Bullying causes lots of hurt and damage in children and it can still cause hurt years after the event. Bullying MUST be stopped.
- If a bully is not challenged they will think their behaviour is acceptable and will continue to bully people even when they grow up.
8 Ways of Dealing with Bullies
If someone is bullying you here are some tools to stop them bullying you:
Find out why they are bullying you
Is it them or is it you? Many times bullies can make you feel it is your fault that they are bullying you. It is NOT your fault that they are behaving badly. Only they have control over their own behaviour.
However, if you have done or said anything that has caused someone to be hurt they may treat you badly in response. I once spread a really bad rumour about a girl at school and she was rightfully angry against me. Her friends were also angry with me on her behalf and the situation escalated. However, once I had apologised to her then it was all resolved. Always acknowledge your own behaviour and if you need to adjust it to de-escalate the situation then do so.
Don’t be a door mat.
Don’t let bullies walk all over you. Sometimes it seems to be the easiest route to let a bully get their own way, because if you challenge them they may treat you worse. But in the long run, you are not doing yourself or them any favours. So stand your ground and protect yourself from bullies. Here are some suggestions you can try to stand up for yourself:
Don’t carry cash into school: A bully cannot take your lunch money if you don’t have money on you. Don’t take any cash into school. A lot of schools and parents have become savvy to this and now parents can pay for your school dinners directly to the school accounts department.
If you take packed lunches to school keep your lunch box safely tucked inside your school bag and don’t take it out until lunch time.
For ideas on yummy lunches you can enjoy and share with your friends check out our post on Quick and Easy Lunches for Kids.
Don’t take anything valuable into school: No one likes a “show off” flashing their valuables in other people’s faces. It can cause jealousy. So don’t take anything valuable to school that is likely to be stolen or damaged by someone else.
Hang out with a group of other people: Hopefully you have a nice group of friends you can hang around with and that can add an extra layer of protection for all of you. A single bully is not likely to give a group of friends grief. If you haven’t got a group of friends yet, just linger near adults until you develop your own friendship group.
Find a place of sanctuary in your school: For Quasimodo and Esmerelda Notre Dame Cathedral was their sanctuary, i.e. a place of protection where they were protected from their persecutors. For me, it was the school library. I felt safe because there was sufficient adult supervision and it was warmer than out in the playground. Plus, I could merrily enjoy reading books in peace. Find a place of sanctuary in your school where you feel safe.
Learn a Martial Art: It’s a great idea to learn a martial art such as Judo or Karate. These disciplines can help you to defend yourself against physical bullying and help you grow in confidence. Also, learning a martial art can build up your physical strength and fitness levels. Plus, you may be able to make new friends in your local martial arts club. But remember that martial arts are for defence only.
Invite your bully to dinner: Okay, hear me out here, this may sound like a weird idea, but actually sometimes it works. Recently, Sops got into a conflict with another student at school and we had to contact the school to mediate between the two students. A few days after the event Sops invited her new friend to dinner and we had a great conversation together and the whole situation was resolved.
Sometimes if you show compassion and interest in the bully as a person they may at least respect you enough to leave you alone.
To find out more about this unique strategy when dealing with bullies watch Cinema Therapy’s video on how Harry Potter deals with his bullies.
Ask a trusted adult to help deal with bullies
No parent wants their child to be bullied. They will feel very defensive. They may be really helpful and give great advice, or they may make the situation worse by overacting. If you are being bullied you need to tell an adult you trust, who can help you with the situation. They could be a teacher, a parent or another relative. A wise adult will know they must tell your parents, but they will be able to tell your parents in such a way to de-escalate the situation. Don’t deal with bullies on your own, make sure you have good support from adults to help you deal with the problem.
What if an adult is the bully?
If an adult is treating you badly and showing some of the behaviours we mentioned earlier then you have to report it. An adult must never bully a child. It’s even more damaging than if a child does it. Tell a trusted adult if there is an adult in your life that is treating you poorly. I don’t mean if you parents nag you to tidy your room, I mean if an adult in your life is hurting you deliberately. Your school should have a safeguarding leader who will listen to what you say and intervene to help. Do not suffer in silence. There are some helpful websites and phone numbers below that you can use to find out more information.
Useful Websites
Childline: 0800 1111
BullyingUK – Part of Family Lives, 0808 800 222
What do you think?
Why do you think children bully other children? What do you think is the best solution to deal with bullies? Add your thoughts in the comments below or in our Forum here.
If you want to find out more about being prepared for school check out our guide on Returning to School.
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