How much should I play with my only child?

You need to play with your only child often when they are young. However, as they grow they will learn how to play independently, so long as you have nourished their imaginations. In this post, we will suggest ideas of how long you should play with your only child and what you should play, depending on their age.

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0-2 Years

Thankfully a child of this age does not need you to play with them often. Your main job is to keep them alive and safe. This is especially true when they start to walk. You will need to put up stair gates and locks on the cupboards. At this age, children love to explore with all their senses. If you have the space, it may be worth getting a playpen. We used a travel cot as Sops’ playpen when she was little. She was happy to sit in there and play with the toys we left in the pen as we did household chores. In some respects, a child of this age is both high-maintenance and low-maintenance at the same time. You need to ensure they are stimulated with toys and you need to meet their physical needs, such as feeding them and changing their nappies. However, they tend to be content playing alone. Even if you take them to a parent and baby group, you will notice that most of the children play on their own. They have not learned to interact with each other yet.

For this age range, we recommend LoveEvery Play Kits.

2-4 Years

This is when you need to up your game. At this age, your child may start demanding that you play with them and it is so important that you do. Your child is relying on you to interact with them and help them to learn. Be sure to dedicate 4-5 hours of play with your child a day. This may seem a lot, but this includes structured and unstructured playtime. You can take them to the park or playgroups, so they can play with other children. If this is too much, consider sending your child to a nursery for a few hours each day.

At home, you can do arts and crafts together, reading, building forts, and playing simple board games. We recommend Orchard Toys at this age. It’s really easy to feel guilty that whilst you are playing with your child you are not doing the ‘grown-up’ work that needs to be done. But fear not! Let the house get messy, and let the ‘grown-up’ work go for a while because this time is super precious. If you master this time well, your child will master independent play really quickly. You just need to show them how to play.

When it comes to cleaning and tidying afterwards, make sure your child helps you. You need to give them specific instructions. You also need to supervise them at this age. For example, give them a cloth and ask them to wipe the table, after you make biscuits together.

If you need to do household chores then make a game of it, with your child. They can mimic you with domestic toys. Our post on how to encourage your child to do household chores recommends domestic toys they can play with.

4-6 Years

At this age, you should be able to ease your child into longer periods of independent play. But this depends on a couple of factors. Firstly, how confident are they with independent play? Have you taught them how to play on their own? You can do this by setting up a game they could play and you could start the game with them. Then set the timer for 15 minutes and let your child play the game on their own for a little while. For example, maybe you are playing ‘vets’. You could be the receptionist and tell your child, the ‘vet’ what patients are waiting for treatment and what treatment they need. Your child can be ‘treating the pets’ for 15 minutes, and then you can come back to them and ask what the aftercare treatment is.

Another factor depends on whether your child is an introvert or an extrovert. An introvert thrives on independent play. They are happy in their own company and may be content to read for a while on their own. You may be able to leave them to play alone for quite a few hours. An extrovert may need more people to play with. Sops is an extrovert, so I did play with her when she was young. We played crazy games like ‘revolution’. This was when one of the toys, who was a tyrannical king, introduced a new tax and all the other toys revolted. They eventually threw him into prison. We even played, ‘Do you hear the people sing?’ from Les Miserables. However, I made a point to take her to lots of playgroups and social activities because of her extroverted nature.

7-10 Years

By this time, your child should have mastered independent play. You may only need to play with them for an hour or two a day, just to show you are interested in them. Maybe you can build a Lego castle with them or play Pokemon. This is a great age for kids. They usually belong to several social or sports clubs. Keep them busy and you won’t need to play with them so much. But you may end up being their taxi service instead.

Hopefully, your child has made a friend or two at school. We highly recommend you invite your child’s friends to your house often. Host lots of sleepovers, if this is what your child wants. This means you are meeting your child’s social and emotional needs, and you may be helping the other child’s needs to get away from their siblings.

Our post, ‘Should I let my only child go to a sleepover,’ will give you some advice on the benefits of sleepovers.

11 Years+

By this time your child will have started Secondary School and should be confident enough to play independently or with other children. Keep encouraging your child to sign up for clubs and societies and if any residential trip is offered, be sure to send your child to it. Our post on ‘Preparing your child for their first residential‘ will help.

If your child is struggling to make new friends at school our post ‘How to make friends when you are an only child‘ will help them.

This is a great time. When you go on holiday with your child, they may start being interested in what you are interested in as well. Sops recently said she doesn’t want to go to water park holidays anymore. She wants to go to places to explore like Egypt. Mission accomplished!

The most important thing to do for your child at this stage is to show you are interested in them and what they are interested in. Sops loves doing gymnastics and drama. We often go to her competitions and I am happy to hold her legs as she tries handstands. Equally, we were delighted to see her perform in the school production of Les Miserables recently. (Playing revolutions with Sops, paid off).

Final Thoughts

In the 19th Century, wealthy parents would have children to pass the inheritance to, but they seldom saw their children. A nanny would care for them all day and the children would be presented to the parents once a day to receive a pat on the head and then sent to bed. Not much of a relationship, right? This is what the film Mary Poppins addresses.

And the poor would send their children to work, just so they could afford the rent or food. Again, not much of a relationship.

Today, we know the importance of play for childhood development. Clinical psychologists have written in-depth scientific papers on how children learn through play. But more importantly, we know how virtual it is to play with our children to strengthen our relationships with them and make awesome memories because that is what life is all about.

So don’t be afraid to put the adulting stuff aside for a few hours. Your child will remember the times you played with them and the memories you made, together. They’ll appreciate you for it, and maybe they will even visit you in your old age, as a result.

Comments

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