How to Encourage Your Only Child to Play Independently

Your child wants your full attention all the time. As much as you would love to give it, you need to do some work sometimes, and your child needs to learn how to play independently. If your child masters the art of independent play they are more likely to succeed in the future. For example, your child won’t have to rely on someone else to tell them what to do. They can use their imagination and decide what to do on their own. A child who can play independently will become an inventive problem solver. This key skill will help them massively when they grow up. But how do you encourage your only child to play independently? Below are some suggestions to encourage your child to play independently.

NB: Children need to be shown how to play independently. Our post, ‘How much should I play with my only child‘, will help.

Set Up a Play Area

When your child is really little you can use a playpen for them. This is a safe space for them to play. You can throw in a load of balls, to make it into a ball pit as well. The good thing is, at this age your baby/toddler will be quite happy playing by themselves and exploring new textures with their hands and mouths. You just need to give them a safe space to do this.

Joie Cheer Baby Playpen

This perfectly square playpen will be perfect for your baby. You can use it as a playpen and even as a travel cot. We used Sops’ travel cot as a playpen when she was a baby, and it was perfect. . There are even detachable toys that your child can nibble on, because let’s face it, that is what your baby will do.

When your child is a toddler you can dispense of the playpen. Consider a play tent instead. Or a Wendy house. I remember how popular the Wendy house was when I was at nursery. It was also very popular when Sops was at nursery. Both boys and girls enjoyed playing in it and playing ‘house’. As a toy it has certainly stood the test of time.

Outsunny Wooden Playhouse for Kids

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NB: Ideally, it is better to create the play space outside of their bedroom. This will help their brains separate the place of activity and play from the place to sleep. This may help them sleep better at night

NB: Don’t underestimate the power of the big empty cardboard box. My dad used to bring them home from work and we would enjoy jumping on the bubble packaging and making time machines and spaceships out of the box.

Limit Toy Selection

Have you ever been given too many choices which has paralysed you in making a decision? This is what children experience all the time, especially if they have too many toys. It can stifle their imaginations. With only one child, it can be all too easy to give them multiple toys to play with on their own. They don’t know where to start. It’s best to store their toys away and just take a few out at a time and let them truly explore that toy and its potential. Boredom is a good thing at times. Children will learn how to play by themselves and stimulate their own imaginations by being left alone with just a few toys to stimulate them.

NB: Consider what toys to give your child to enhance their learning. Electronic ‘educational’ toys are not always best. Your child needs to learn the laws of physics and nature through their own natural senses, rather than having a machine teach them stuff.

For a comprehensive list of suitable toys for your child, check out our post 60 gift ideas for an only child.

Reduce Tech Time

We’re all guilty of it; being addicted to tech, that is. The youngest generation is called Generation Alpha and they will be the first generation to be completely immersed in digital technology from the moment of birth. It is all too easy to sit a child in front of a tablet to keep them amused. The online game they are playing or the TV show they are watching will automatically produce dopamine in their brains and they will become addicted. But their little brains won’t learn and grow if they keep passively receiving stimulation. It’s better for children to read and exercise their brains and imaginations. So take away the tech and give your child a book. If they have nothing else to do, but read, they may just read. For children who struggle to read, you may want to start with comics and graphic books.

Provide Open-Ended Toys

Provide toys that help your child’s imagination to grow. This could include building blocks, art supplies or dressing up costumes. Rather than giving your child a specific Lego set, or a particular craft kit, such as a stone painting kit, give your child a mixture of Lego and crafts and see what they produce. Tbh, all the Lego will be thrown into one big Lego box in the end anyway.

I remember my brothers making a Lego robot in the 80’s. They added flashing lights to the eyes and a tape recorder inside the robot so it could speak.

Establish a Routine

Schedule independent play in your child’s daily routine. Perhaps it can be whilst you are preparing dinner, at the same time every day. Or maybe it is during several times in the day. You can put up a picture of a clock and show play time on a notice board or on the fridge.

Like this one:

But remember to include a transition cue such as a special song or action, such as clapping, so your child will know when playtime is over.

Set a Timer On Co-Operative Play

Agree to play with your child for a certain period of time. Set a timer for that period and fully engage in your child’s game. That means putting your phone down and paying attention to your child. But when the timer goes off you can finish playing with your child. You can blame the timer but suggest ways your child can expand on the game you have been playing.

Then they can tell you what happened next in the story at teatime.

For more advice on co-operative play read our post ‘How much should I play with my only child?‘

Don’t Break The Flow

There is nothing worse than when you are really engaged in an activity and then someone interrupts you midflow. They can break you out of the ‘flow zone’, as some people call it, and it is very difficult to return to your activity with the same dedication and focus you had before. Your child will feel the same if they are really involved in their independent game, only to be interupted by you, because it is teatime, or bedtime. So be careful not to break the flow, and force your child to stop what they are doing to pay attention to you. If they are playing and you are cooking dinner, set the timer in their room for when dinner is likely to be, so they are forewarned. If they are playing a computer game wait until they are on the next level or their character dies before turning off the playstation. If they are watching TV, wait until the next set of adverts or for that episode to finish before bedtime. Just remember to pre-warn them first. Otherwise, let them enjoy being in the flow zone.