How to stop an only child from feeling lonely

Has your only child ever said to you, “I’m lonely.”? Did your heart sink into a deep sludgy toxic pool of guilt? That is certainly how I feel when Sops says she feels lonely. However, over the years Sops has learned how to be at peace in her own company and how to reach out to others when she wants company.

If you feel guilty when your child says they feel lonely here are a few tips to help combat that lonely feeling and to help your child be at peace in their own company.

If your only child is lonely get them a pet

During the lockdown, Sops and I were both feeling pretty lonely and isolated. I had promised Sops a pet cat a couple of years previously, so we decided to adopt Oreo from the Cat Protection League. He has been our delight and joy ever since. During the early days, he would attack our feet early in the mornings and steal our toilet rolls. He wanted to play all the time and he was a happy distraction.

According to the Petcare and The Human Animal Bond Research Institute (HABRI) Survey, 85% of respondents agree interaction that pets can help reduce loneliness.

Your child may not have a brother or sister, but a pet is the next best thing to keep them company and to teach them how to be kind to animals.

If you are pondering on what sort of pet to get for your child our post, “Should I get a pet for my child” may help.

Help Your Child Develop Imaginative Play

I grew up in a large family. I had 5 siblings, but we often played on our own. That’s because we each had our own personality types and favourite toys that did not mesh well with other toys. Flower Fairies do not belong on the Death Star or the Tardis. I enjoyed playing ‘heaven’ as a child. God was a cuddly mole I made (so I was god’s God, essentially). Mary was a bear and all the other toys were angels working in heaven on awesome stuff like funfairs and the weather department.

There were times I played with my sister and her ‘My Little Ponies.” You’d think “Flower Fairies” and “My Little Ponies” would mesh well, but we had a lot of arguments whilst we played. That is because we struggled to create a shared vision of the world we were creating.

If your child feels lonely encourage them to build an imaginative world with their own toys. It’s their world. They can draw pictures of it and show you. They can talk about their world at the dinner table. Listen to them, but be careful not to interfere in their world with your own ideas. It’s vitally important for children to develop their imaginations in order to help them solve problems in the future and make sense of the world around them. No matter how bazaar their world may be to you, do not crush their creative spirit.

Imaginary Friends

Has your child created an Imaginary friend? What Fun! Despite having several real siblings I also had an imaginary friend called, China. I preferred her company to my siblings at times. That’s because in my mind she understood me. I was able to think aloud by talking to her. I still talk to myself a lot, but I think everyone does that, only few people admit to it. An imaginary friend is a sounding board for a child. They can help a child practice making friends. If you play with your child and invite their imaginary friend you can show your child how to treat friends well. When your child finally stops believing in their imaginary friend and starts making friends with real people they will already have the skills to interact socially.

However, sometimes Imaginary friends can get out of hand and children use them as a crutch or blame their imaginary friend rather than take responsibility for themselves. If your child has an Imaginary Friend our post Imaginary Friends may help them.

Take Your Child Out If They Are An Extrovert

Admittedly, I am now quite at peace in my own company. Even as an extrovert, I can happily spend all day at home alone and read, or write blog posts. However, there are times I just ache for human company and message all my friends to see if they want to meet up. If no one is free, I’ll pop to the shops or pub, just to suck up the atmosphere of human companionship. That is what an extrovert needs to gain energy.

If your child is an extrovert they will feel the same. They will crave human companionship, and even if you are an introvert it is important to meet your child’s needs and to take them out. Even if you take them to the park and sit on the park bench reading a book whilst they hang out with other children, you are meeting your child’s needs.

Encourage Your Child to Make Friends

Some children can make friends really easily and others find it more challenging. Sops is a natural at making friends. She automatically makes instant connections at any social event. It’s quite impressive. However, some parents are concerned their child is too isolated and has no friends. They sometimes push the issue and that is not helpful either. Nobody wants to be forced to do something they don’t want to do. I know I did not want to be forced to participate in team sports at school or summer camps as a child. It’s not fair to force a child to do the same. As a parent, all you need to do is give your child the opportunity to make friends and see if anything blossoms.

If your child needs some tips on making friends our post on How to Make Friends If You Are An Only Child may help.

Connect With Other Lonely People

Sadly, loneliness can have a devastating effect on people’s mental health. It can cause depression and long-term health conditions. The elderly can be especially affected by loneliness and isolation. If your child says they are lonely, consider taking them to visit an elderly person in your community. People in their twilight years flourish when they are in the company of children. It is healthy for individuals and society for generations to mix. There are plenty of befriending services you can join. I have listed a few in the Useful Websites list below.

Host Events to Combat Loneliness In Your Child

Don’t wait for an invitation from your child’s friends, initiate the invitation yourself. Whether you host a tea party, movie night, sleepover, or an invitation to fly your magic flying carpet, you can combat loneliness in your child. Naturally, hosting such events won’t be a weekly occurrence, but if you have just moved into the neighbourhood or your child has moved to a different school, this would be a perfect opportunity to host an event and get to know your child’s friends and even their parents. Some people can be quite shy about hosting social events, but it’s not as if you are on ‘Come Dine with Me’. If you put the effort in, it will be appreciated, and who knows, you may even make some new friends yourself.

Encourage Your Child to Join Our Discord Community

Sops and I set up Discord in order to encourage families of one child to connect with each other. We are planning to hold events online such as games nights and quiz nights for one-child families. If your child does want to connect with other children online they can do so on our Discord Server, which is heavily monitored.

To join, just sign up to the Server.

To find out when the next online Discord event will be held, please sign up for our newsletter below.