How to make friends if you are an only child

By Sops & Tamsyn

It’s great being an only child. I get all the attention from mum and dad. They take me out on trips and to awesome holidays. I don’t have any brothers or sisters to irritate me when I am trying to play. Plus, I don’t have to babysit any younger siblings and I have my own bedroom. Also, I have lots of friends and I love spending time with them. I often invite them to play with me during the school holidays. It is better to have really good friends than brothers and sisters because you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your siblings. So here is my guide on how to make friends if you are an only child.

Make friends who have the same interests as you
Make friends who are around the same age as you
Encourage your parents to be friends with their parents
Make friends safely whilst online gaming
Talk to friends online
Learn how to start a friendship
Learn friendship etiquette

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Make friends who have the same interests as you

The best place to start to make friends is to find people who share the same interests as you. Join groups that interest you like sports clubs or after school electives, such as a book club. You’ll automatically find other children that understand you because they share the same interests as you. This is one of the best ways to make friends. It’s even what adults do.

For ideas of groups to join please see the useful websites list at the bottom of this post.

Sit down with your parents one night and tell them the sort of things that interest you and then together you can find local groups that share your interests. I attend a gymnastics club and I have a few friends there. Plus I go to a drama group at school and I have different friends there. It’s great to have different clusters of friends.

Make friends who are around the same age as you

To be honest I have lots of friends that are different ages from me. But the younger ones just look up to me and I feel like I am babysitting them whilst the adults are talking grown stuff. But older kids just ignore me. My closest friends are the same age as me and we have so much in common because we experience the same things together. Try your best to make as many friends in your class as possible. You are all learning together and it’s much more fun to learn together with your friends.

Keep reading for advice on how to start a friendship

Encourage your parents to make friends with your friend’s parents

This is super important. It is hard to be friends with someone if your parents don’t like them or don’t like their parents. You cannot force someone to like someone else. However, you can encourage your parents to make friends with your friend’s parents by swapping phone numbers and suggesting activities to do together. Just keep suggesting to your parents that you want your friend and their family to come over for a BBQ or to go out for a walk together. I do quite a lot with my best friend because my mum is friends with her mum. As an only child, it is important to initiate social activities with others.

Make friends safely through online gaming

Online gaming is a great way to make friends and play with the ones you already have remotely. I like playing Among Us with my Aunt and Uncle, who are really cool. And I like playing Minecraft with my friends. Minecraft uses Discord to allow players to talk to one another. There are some age checks in place. But it is much safer just to play with the friends you already know. If you want to play games online and speak to new people ask your parent’s permission first and make sure lots of safety precautions are in place. If your parents say ‘no’ that is okay. Don’t argue with them.

For more information about playing games online safely check out Common Sense Media Parent’s Ultimate Guide to Discord. There are some other helpful links at the bottom of this post on how to play games online safely.

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Talk to Friends online

During lockdown did you talk to your friends and cousins online? Did you use Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp or Messenger? Mum and I used Zoom to talk to mum’s family and my Uncle used Zoom to teach me maths during the lockdown as mum is rubbish at maths. If you live a long way from your friends it is great to talk to them during video chats or online Forums. We recommend our own Discord community for you to meet fellow ‘only’ children.

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How to start a friendship

So you have started a new school, or a social group and there is another child you want to get to know better. Here are some steps to try to make friends with them.

Offer them something. Maybe a snack or some sweets. Or pickled limes (see below)
Smile at them every time you see them. If they smile back you have made a connection.
Say hello and tell them your name. Then talk about something you have both experienced. For example, ask them what they think of the new teacher or why they joined the same social club as you.
Have a laugh with them. Crack a few jokes. Humour is a great way to ‘break the ice’. There is a link to joke sites at the bottom of this post.
Ask them about themselves. Find out about their family and what interests them. Don’t talk about yourself too much.
Practice with an Imaginary friend. If you have a great imagination, create an imaginary friend and practice with them. Check out our post on Imaginary friends. Be warned, your real friends may not respond as your imaginary friend does.

Once you have got to know them better ask them to the park with their parents and with your parents. Hopefully, your parents will get along as you play together and then the friendship can really grow.

Some people make friends when they are in Primary school and the friendship lasts all their lives. My best friend and I met in Nursery. We are in Secondary school now and we are still best friends. I hope our friendship lasts for decades.

My aunt met her best friend at school and they grew up as best friends. My aunt’s friend was her bridesmaid at her wedding. How awesome is that?!

Friendship Etiquette

Etiquette means being polite. In order to maintain a good friendship, you both need to follow certain rules. If you don’t follow these rules you may hurt your friend and your friendship may end. So remember to keep these rules and if you do break them remember to say sorry.

Be generous. Give your friend little things to show you care about them. Share your sweets and your toys. Be sure to give them a birthday card when it is their birthday. You don’t want to owe any one pickled limes.

In Alcott’s novel ‘Little Women’ Amy March says that if a girl likes another girl in school she gives her a pickled lime. Quite a few girls had already given Amy pickled limes but she had not returned the gesture as she did not have enough money to pay for them. Her sister Meg gives her the money to buy limes for her friends so she is not in debt with them.

Recently. quite a few friends of mine bought me some sweets on the way from school. Mum told me I owed too many pickled limes. I needed to buy sweets for them too. That is good friendship etiquette. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who always takes and never gives back.

2. Be thoughtful. Think about your friend and what their needs and wants are. If they are sad give them a hug. If they are hurt help them. Consider their feelings more than your own.

3. Be fair. Make sure your friendship is fair. If you are being thoughtful towards your friend and they are being thoughtful towards you then you will have a good fair friendship. However, if your friend is always getting what they want, but you don’t get what you want then that is not a good friendship. Make sure your friendship is fair. If you feel it is not fair talk to your friend about it or ask a grown-up to help resolve your problems.

4. Be Truthful. Always tell the truth to your friend. If you lie to them and they find out they will be really hurt. You don’t have to reveal all your secrets to your friend. But don’t tell them lies.

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Recognise bullies

Some people pretend to be friends with you, but then you see they are not being thoughtful, generous or fair. Perhaps they say things that hurt your feelings. Or maybe they have been lying to you. If you are not happy with the friendship talk to a grown-up you trust about it. Perhaps they can resolve the matter with you. If you feel someone is bullying you check out our post on how to deal with bullies.